Enough With The Petitions Already!!!

Come on, these web petitions are getting out of hand. Anyone with the slightest gripe can start an online petition.

Don’t like Obama? Start a petition to get your state to secede. (Please Texas just do it already. We’re sick and tired of you and your backwardness and bloated sense of self-esteem. The only thing bigger in Texas is their ability to enact nutty laws and elect near morons as governor. I’ll even help you build a fence.) But I digress.

My inbox gets inundated with online petitions and letter writing campaigns. Some are from valid sources; ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Center For Inquiry, Florida Cannabis Action Network, Environment America and others. And even half of the emails I get from them are simply pitches for fundraising, “sign our petition or sign our letter to your congressman and while you’re at it, can you send us $50 please so that we’ll send you even more of these emails once we realize we’ve got you on the hook?”

Then there are the email petitions that ask you to sign and forward to your friends,  don’t bother you’re just getting on another mailing list.

And then there are the petition websites; Change.org, iPetition, Activism.com, I’ve_got_a_gripe_and_won’t_u_sign_me.com…

There are valid times for petitioning, such as unjust laws, people using their political influence to get laws enacted that will line their pockets at taxpayer expense (like welfare drug testing in Florida, opening up public coffers to religious schools, privatizing our toll roads, etc). Politicians need to know that their constituents have a spine and are watching them. Otherwise they’ll continue to do what they want and accept “gratuities” from the lobbyists and special interests, because they think no one is paying attention meanwhile calling for cuts to entitlements while doling out corporate welfare. (Yeah we know who you are.)

But then there are the petitions like “Big box store unfairly fired this person of (fill in the blank gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, incapacity, etc) can you help (Him/Her/It) get their job back? Of course no details are ever provided concerning the real cause for termination. How do I know the schmuck wasn’t hanging out back smoking joints all day and not doing the job they were getting paid (albeit below market value) to do?

Then I ran across this one in the news yesterday.

NJ Girl To Meet With Easy Bake Team At Hasbro

Apparently the colors of the Easy Bake Ovens produced by Hasbro aren’t gender neutral enough. Pink and Purple. Seriously? This is important enough to start an online petition? Just don’t buy them. Their market research will find out why and Ta-da! New colors available. More colors than Toys-R-Us is willing to even stock. Somehow I seem to remember they were sort of green at one time.

What’s wrong with the colors currently available?

If you ask the NFL wearing pink is cool even if it is Pepto Bismol pink. Because hey, it’s cool to wear pink to protect boobies. Hooray for Boobies!

And keeping with the NFL, purple is the color of the Minnesota Vikings. So that’s a gender neutral color. Ask any Green Bay Packers fan! (Cheeseheads rule!)

And Prince, wasn’t he known as the Purple One? You can’t get much more gender neutral than Prince.

So enough with the petitions already.

I don’t care if they never make another Twinkie ever.

I don’t care if your neighbor’s tree encroaches on your yard.

I don’t care if your employer doesn’t provide you with enough benefits. (Do what the rest of us do. GET ANOTHER JOB.)

So excuse me if I don’t sign your petition, I’m too busy starting my own to ban Twitter. (Especially now that the Pope is on there.)


About NoSacredCow

Irreverent atheist, skeptic, independent voter, social liberal, fiscal conservative, music lover, avid reader, engager in ruthless repartee, just an extra in somebody else's movie...
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